I'm eating all of the evidence.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
bring money and cleavage
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
