Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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