I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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