Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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