At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
