it hurts more in the daytime
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
