So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
3pm strippers are depressing
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
