Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
