You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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