What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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