I'm really into asian looking animals
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
