suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
