Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
