just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
