If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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