So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
