She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
