If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
