Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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