This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
