Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
