Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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