I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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