problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
