but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
