I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
