so explain again why im purple
no
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
