That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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