You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
