It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
