I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
