His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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