i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
