So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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