I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
