I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
