Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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