My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
