i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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