Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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