Can i not drive my cunt home
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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