I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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