We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
sarcasm needs its own font
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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