I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
