idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
