I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
