Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
