Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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