I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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