I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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