She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
