as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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