you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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