Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
