first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
