i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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