Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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