My boss' voice literally gives me gas
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize