i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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