Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
