I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
