I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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