If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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