He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
