yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
