he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is my gift to your gina
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
