She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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