You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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