if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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