im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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