even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
