my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
