i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
