We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
