I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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