lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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