I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
