So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
