You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
babies were throwing up all over the place
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wish there were birth control emojis
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
