you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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