guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I will pee on everything he values.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
